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Nothing I Ever Prayed for…

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“There is no God and I can prove it!” Roland declared. “Nothing I ever prayed for ever worked out.”

 There are more tears shed over answered prayers than over unanswered prayers.” —St. Teresa of Avila

I never argue about these things. From my perspective, Roland is in for a happy surprise. I did want to explore his views, and a couple of days later when we were alone in the pub, I asked him for an example.

He told me one instance where he prayed and prayed: his second wife took him to court for back child support payments. He’d been making the payments in cash all along. All he was praying for was fairness. Is that so hard for God? He was found guilty, and had to fork over months of payments again. To make it worse, he spent a night in jail for contempt of court for some closing remarks he offered to the judge.

I have lots of counseling experience, much of it related to prayer, and I have a very firm Faith. On the other hand, I have gone through periods of my life with Roland’s exact feelings.

I talk to God but the sky is empty.” ―Sylvia Plath 

 

Why Are Some Prayers Answered and Others Not?

When I was a priest in Florida years ago I saw an astounding result of prayer. Peggy was the aunt of one of our monks, and she was visiting while passing through to her destination down the Gulf Coast. In her mid-50s, she was suffering from a back condition that did nothing but deteriorate. She couldn’t stand upright, and x-rays showed extreme curvature of her spine. Three of us put our hands on her head and prayed for healing. Two weeks later, back home, she had visited her doctor and the curvature of the spine was completely relieved.

No, we never duplicated it although we prayed with and for many. Of course, replication is the foundation of the Scientific Method, that makes all these healings from all over the world anecdotal.

That was a prayer answered. What made it so? Was it the state of mind we were in, or giving our strength to her? In our other prayers for healing the answer was, simply, No. Was it the words that were spoken, or the period of time we prayed for her, was it the intensity of the prayer? Panache Desai, and others, have said, “Every prayer is a thank you.” Gratitude was not something Roland felt in his situation.

You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance.” ―Kahlil Gibran

God As Errand Boy

Please understand that I am not saying you can’t pray for relief, for strength, for courage, for peace. Or for anything you want to pray for.

My mother’s classic prayer, her fists clenched tightly by her sides and looking upward into the ether, was, “God give me STRENGTH!”

These are all things that I pray for and they do work. I don’t want that new car or fashionable shoes; my age plays into that, certainly.

But what of those prayers of Roland’s? He gave me a couple more examples, all his prayers being directed toward changing something around him. For my own spiritual practice, that would break one of my foundational rules: I believe that in the end all you can change is yourself.

That’s something that can lead your praying astray. Are you asking God to go out and get you a color TV (as Janis Joplin put it)?

Is that who you think God is?

Okay, So How Do I Pray?

If you’re not interested in prayer, you are shutting out of your life the greatest source of strength and a depth of experience you can achieve no other way.

If you want to learn to pray, you’ll find no end to books, audios, videos to show you the way.

And there are as many “right” ways to pray as there are people praying.

I have a starting place I’ve recommended for years.

Silence.

Sit alone in silence for five minutes.

Peace, calm, eyes closed.

Silence.

Prayer is simply a two-way conversation between you and God.” —Billy Graham

You have to open up to let God in. Go ahead, talk to God from your silence.

Many religions stress specific wording for prayers. Very appropriate for a congregation, not necessarily personally. If you like rote repetition prayers, like saying a Rosary, for example, I only ask if it feeds your spirit.

Roland Won’t Like This Answer

I have the answer to Roland’s experience, but he won’t like it.

The biggest thing I can say about prayer is: it’s a Mystery.

It’s the same with Faith, or even Love.

They have no empirical dimensions, they are beyond dimensions. You can’t touch or see them, they are as invisible as the air yet no less nourishing. I’d say no less vital.

As far as Roland goes, I asked him if he was happy with his life now, and he responded with a robust Yes. So maybe God (Creator, Spirit) did answer his prayers. Rather than holding a grudge, he might ask what he learned from those experiences.

I don’t think I’m likely to convince Roland to start praying. If he’s happy with his life, why should he?

For myself, I have seen many wonders from prayer. Praying doesn’t change God, but it will change you to greater heights of feeling and connection – and, freedom.

After all, God is the only game in town.

When every hope is gone, when helpers fail and comforts flee, I find that help arrives somehow, from I know not where. Supplication, worship, prayer are no superstition; they are acts more real than the acts of eating, drinking, sitting or walking. It is no exaggeration to say that they alone are real, all else is unreal.” ―Mahatma Gandhi

Good Ole Lao Tzu

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To a mind that is still the whole universe surrenders.” ― Lao Tzu

One of the three main sources of ancient Chinese wisdom is Lao Tzu, from the 6th Century B.C.E. (The others are Confucius and Buddha.)

His work is foundational to the understanding and practice of Taoism (“The Way”) which today still has over 20 million followers.

The Legend of Lao Tzu

Lao Tzu’s origin and early years are unknown. He first comes to us as a record keeper in the Zhou Dynasty. In time he became repelled by the widespread moral corruption, and rode a water buffalo to China’s Western border. He was disguised as a farmer, but the border official recognized him and importuned him to write down his Wisdom. Why he was recognized is unknown – had he been a teacher? How it was known he had wisdom to impart is unknown. Had he publicly expressed what we find in the Tao Te Ching, his short but infinitely powerful work?

At any rate, having apparently written all he wanted to say, he disappeared into history.

Is It True?

Lao Tzu, also written as Laozi, means “Venerable Master”. It’s an honorific, a title – yet that is the only way he is known.

He may, in fact, be an apocryphal figure, like Homer in Western culture. The Tao Te Ching may be a collection of wisdom culled from many sources.

The legend has been passed down along with the teachings. There’s really no point in excavating his origins.

The Truth of these sayings is clear and immediate.

What Are His Words?

Lao Tzu’s philosophy is based on the concept of Wu Wei.

Wikipedia describes it as:

Wu wei (無爲), literally “non-action” or “not acting”, is a central concept of the Tao Te Ching. The concept of wu wei is multifaceted, and reflected in the words’ multiple meanings, even in English translation; it can mean “not doing anything”, “not forcing”, “not acting” in the theatrical sense, “creating nothingness”, “acting spontaneously”, and “flowing with the moment.”

We find this as well in modern philosophy and spiritual development, the suggestion that everything (except one’s character) is not out of our control, per se, rather it is flowing with what the Universe brings you. Contemporary thinker Matt Kahn presents it as Whatever Arises, Love That (his book title).

As with so many Biblical verses, or Zen koans, each of the statements of Lao Tzu can be explored, elaborated, parsed for its implicit meaning.

For example:

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” —Lao Tzu

For me, each of these is rich in application to myself.

This one stimulates thoughts of one of my discoveries, a practice I have increasingly pursued as I’ve gotten older: Offload. If you want to achieve, say, a Spiritually advanced state, you must clear out old baggage. I say I’ve spent the last 15 years trying to forget useless things in my mind.

The trouble with memory is this: you remember everything and associations are like files. For people like me, the problem with memory is where I’ve filed things. Naturally, when you have a thought it often falls in a category you already have (e.g. Sports, Cooking, Recreation, a Person) but especially if it’s a new thought for you, you don’t always know where to file it. It goes into the jumble, then, and retrieval becomes a task of retracing your mental steps. A lot of what’s in your mind is, frankly, junk. With me it’s like outer space, even those satellites that have died keep floating around above the atmosphere.

Stilling the mind, for me, has required offloading my emotions around past events, forgiving others and myself, and refiling with feeling good for the resolution.

That is letting go of who I am.

You can see the motivation for continual mental housekeeping in the first quote in this post.

This one is a corollary.

And yes, Lao Tzu means it in the largest sense, although I don’t find it common: he is preaching detachment, total and complete, from deeper things like desires or self-concept. He has been called the first Libertarian, and has long been popular with anarchists.

Quotations and Applications

The “Goodreads” site lists 941 quotes from Lao Tzu. 

I’ll just go with a few, with some interpretative suggestions. To a Taoist, the meaning is in the personal application.

 Give evil nothing to oppose and it will disappear by itself.” —Lao Tzu

In other iterations, this is described as the Mirror Technique. It says that when someone is directing evil toward you, dissing you, you will be fine if you can turn yourself into a mirror. Don’t fight them, just mentally reflect their projection back at them. Does the image – any image – affect the mirror’s glass?

 The wise man is one who knows what he does not know.” —Lao Tzu

Life itself teaches us this. We must never stop learning. I’ve learned, at some cost, that there is more out there than I could ever know. A classic example is the Internet. You do a search for something you’re a great expert at, and get something like the listing for Marilyn Monroe (as of this writing, 92 million results). Honestly, do you really know all there is to know?

Knowing others is intelligence.  Knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.” —Lao Tzu

You’ve heard the expression, “Physician, heal thyself.”

Some say space is our greatest frontier. Some say the oceans. In fact there is no greater frontier than our own selves. My version: “Are you who you want to be or who you happen to be?”

I’ll finish with one more. See what it brings up for you.

From caring comes courage.” — Lao Tzu

 

 

 

The Spiritual Ego

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How dare I write this post?!!!

Who am I to think my words would be worthwhile to read?

Isn’t this, and all writing, simply an expression of my ego?

Bad Rap

The ego gets a bad rap in Spiritual circles. It is what you must free yourself from, it is a mechanism that is focused on externals – objects or feelings, an addiction to “forms”, from our mental assessment of others to our preferences in clothing or jewelry.

It is the mental chatter in our heads, continuously accessing memories (your past), your dreams (your desired future), and, usually superficially, the Present.

Thinker and author Eckhart Tolle is especially rough on the ego:

When people get taken over by the ego to such an extent, there is nothing else in their mind except the ego. They can no longer feel or sense their humanity – what they share with other human beings, or even with other life forms on the planet. They are so identified with concepts in their minds that other human beings become concepts as well.” —Eckhart Tolle

All of this requires occupation, and preoccupation, with externals, when the most important conversations get pushed aside. You identify with your ego.

How Bad Is It?

Ego is the great enemy. Ego will hold you back every single time.” —Nikki Sixx

Letting go of your ego opens the door to taking a new and creative course of action.” —Suzanne Mayo Frindt

Yes, it looks like the Antichrist, doesn’t it?

When you overcome your ego, true Wisdom will come to you more easily.

Q: How much “ego” do you need? 
A: Just enough so that you don’t step in front of a bus.
—Shunryu Suzuki

Okay, I’ve overcome my ego, Braden – what’s next?

The Great Divide 

There are thought leaders whose teachings lead inexorably to giving up the common way of life and retreat to a monastery. This is a direct attack on things – I was a monk for 10 years. (Then was interrupted by health issues.) If you’re ready for a deep connection with the Divine and your Spiritual Self, you can find a community that suits you.

There are others who want us to bring our Spirituality into our everyday life, often through their, frequently expensive, programs.

I am brought back to the old Zen saying, “Before Enlightenment: chop wood, carry water; after Enlightenment: chop wood, carry water.”

I would say – I know – I am a Spirit having a Human experience. While I’m here, though, I’m going to have some fun with it, and help when I can. I continue in my Spiritual Development… What if, egoless, you still have things you want to do – wouldn’t they involve some kind or degree of ego?

Isn’t this post an act of ego? Ego is competitive, and so is this writing, only in my case I don’t compare my work to anyone else’s to “beat” them, to “Win”. My only competitor is myself, and the battles rage on the field of a computer screen.

Might I suggest there is a vastness ignored by the traditional definition of ego.

The Spiritual Ego

Once I have a higher understanding of life, I want to share it.

Serving this Higher Cause, what skill sets do I bring? Are they not the ego’s history?

If you’re not consumed by ego, if there is a distance between you and your ego, you can harness your old ego and come away stronger.

If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that… I believe in what I do, and I’ll say it.” ― John Lennon

What I do now when I’m writing is to court the perfect word. When I put down a good word the writing flows, and I’m aware that something outside my mundane experience is guiding the words I manifest. It’s not channeling, it’s tuning in to the moment and, utilising all the history I accrued in a lifetime of writing, to find the next word on the page. My ego, in the sense of wanting you to like me, admire me, even having an effect on you, in the sense of superior or inferior – my ego doesn’t enter into it.

Still, I take a certain amount of pride in my work.

When I write, I lose time. I’m happy in a way that I have a hard time finding in real life. The intimacy between my brain and my fingers and my computer… Yet knowing that that intimacy will find an audience… It’s very satisfying. It’s like having the safety of being alone with the ego reward of being known.” —Jill Soloway

The Recipe for Success

Abandon your mundane ego. The way to do it is to become conscious your ego is in play. Do you feel defensive? Even fearful? Feeling inferior? Should you have gotten that promotion and resent not only the choice, but as well the person who did get the promotion?

The red lights flash: Ego, ego, ego… 

Then you can decide, do you want your ego to be used in this situation or not? You make progress like a brick wall: building brick by brick is the only way to do it. Meditate, breathe…

If you doubt you can rule your ego, consider these words from someone many regard as just short of a god:

The Ego is an exquisite instrument. Enjoy it, use it – just don’t get lost in it.” —Ram Dass